Then and Now

I posted some "before" pictures on Facebook a few days ago but ended up taking them down because I was getting uncomfortable with the attention and comments they were garnering.  Nothing negative at all, but Facebook probably isn't the most appropriate place for sharing this journey, especially since so many of the people that I'm FB "friends" with are people I've never met face-to-face, people I know only through the Bernese Mountain Dog groups I belong to.  

I've learned from experience that even though I might believe someone is a close dear friend, that person could be in reality someone I don't know at all, so it's better to not bare my soul or share my vulnerabilities.   

But then again...I'm pretty much an open book, so who cares, right?  HA!

I do know that I'm a different person than I was a year ago.   A year ago I felt so defeated.  I was depressed.  I hurt all over.  I wasn't looking forward to the next 5 years of life, feeling the way I was feeling, let alone another 20 or 30 or more years.

But did that stop me?   Did I change anything?  No, I still ate horribly, a very highly processed diet, lots of bread and sweets and junk foods.  Literally thousands of junk calories a day and NO exercise.  It hurt just to get up and go to the bathroom, so I moved only as necessary.   

It was getting more and more difficult to do everyday things that people take for granted...things as simple as tying my shoes.  More that I won't go into, but that every person who has ever been morbidly obese will know.

I was killing myself.  What was even more sad is that I knew what I was doing, but it didn't stop me.  I was feeding a monster that could never be satisfied, whose hunger only grew with each chip, each cookie, each piece of cake.  

So what was it that finally turned the switch?  What was it that finally caused me to stop killing myself?

I don't know what it was.   Part of my journey is to discover what caused me to get to that point of utter hopelessness and despair and also to discover what it was that snapped me out of it and put me on this journey to regain my health and create a life that I can life with purpose and enjoyment. 

It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better!

Where do I start?   First of all, I have GOT to start blogging more often...I will be so thankful years from now when I can look back at this point of my journey.  Every day I am feeling better - stronger, more optimistic, healthier, happier...life is just getting better and better!

I am now nearly 6 months into this journey and I'm down about 50 lbs.  I am able to do things I wasn't able to do, simple things that most people take for granted, with no effort at all.   I am walking daily, routinely getting at least 7,500 steps a day and often over 10,000.   I have also started swinging kettlebells again...and my passion for my bells is coming back stronger than ever before!

My friend and mentor, Tracy Reifkind, just came up for a weekend, and we went to Vancouver, BC.

Even though I was barely recovered from bronchitis and an awful reoccurrence of decades-long dormant asthma, we had such a wonderful time.  We stayed with my friends Christina and Marshall, and packed just as much into two days as we possibly could.

We did a lot of walking and some hiking, and visited Lyn Canyon Suspension bridge, which was simply AMAZING!

Vancouver is so beautiful; I envy those who are fortunate enough to live up there.  All the metropolitan excitement of an international city, surrounded by the beauty and majesty of ocean and mountains and forests and canyons.

I can't wait to go back again.  It's definitely not going to be another 25 years, which was the last time I was there!

We also spent an afternoon in Point Roberts, where Marshall and Christina moor their boat, along with their friends Don and Erin.

Unfortunately it was too windy to go out on the water, but we still had a wonderful afternoon sitting on the boat, enjoying healthy munchies, wine, and great conversation.

I think Tracy has made some new friends - I love it when I can share people I adore with other people I adore and they all enjoy each other!

 Tracy did a workout of her own the next morning on the deck...Christina was out on her run and it was a brilliantly gorgeous day.

I, unfortunately, was nursing a hangover from the wine I had over-imbibed in the day before, but I enjoyed watching her and taking photos.   She is so motivating to me, and watching her with the bells is like watching an artist in motion.  The bell seems to be a part of her, and the movement is so natural and graceful that it is almost like a dance that should be set to music.

Tracy wrote a great blog about the "Vancouver Swing Sandwich" she designed that morning, be sure to check it out as she'll be posting videos as well!

Before we headed out, Tracy trained with Christina, to teach her the Swing, I left a kettlebell with her to use as she discovers the joy and beauty of it, but I'm pretty sure...we have another Kettlebell-liever!

It feels so very good to feel that passion again.   To get the validation from Tracy that I still have the form AND that I have the knowledge and the ability to share it with others only makes me feel even stronger and more determined to do the thing that I've only imagined doing.  

I am going to start training others in the kettlebell swing, sharing with others the power and strength that can be found in this little iron ball with a handle.  

My dream is to share it with other middle-aged women - women who perhaps feel the way that I felt just 6 months ago:  I was hurting all over, I was well over 100 lbs over-weight, I was having mobility issues and joint issues and it seemed that every part of my body was aching from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed.  I felt hopeless and I knew that I didn't want to live the rest of my life feeling like that, whether that was 5 years or 25 years.  And the way I was going, I knew that I was living on borrowed time, that every day I went without a heart attack or a stroke I had dodged a bullet.  My blood lipids were off the charts and I was literally moments from being diagnosed as diabetic.  

I'm never going back there again.  Never.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

Someone who I thought was a dear friend has just cut me from her life with no explanation.  I'm still reeling...beyond hurt, and trying to understand.   I have to respect her decision, and in spite of the heartache I feel, I still believe that she is one of the kindest and most generous persons I've ever met, and I will always wish her and her family nothing but good things.  

I found this poem...and it helps.  A little.  Makes me feel very blessed that I have so many friendships that are LIFETIME, and yes, blessed that I have had the friends that I've needed for the REASONS and the SEASONS in my life.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use 
in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

-unknown

Procrastination - Story of my Life!

Wow, this is my FIRST blog post of 2015!  I have really been slacking on the blogging.  I keep meaning to, but never manage to actually get it done.  Like nearly everything else in my life, I just put it off and put it off...I'll do it later.  I'll do it tomorrow.  I'll do it next weekend.    Maybe that's why I work so much better when I'm under a deadline...hmmmmm.  I am REALLY going to try to be more regular with my blogging in 2015.  We'll see how that goes.

I am going to pick up my kettlebells again.  I am going to start swinging regularly.  I will start out very slowly so I don't mess up my back again.  But...I haven't actually done it yet.  I am PROCRASTINATING!   I'm not sure why...is it just because that's what I do?  Or am I really afraid of hurting myself?   It's been so very, very nice to not have the chronic back pain...but the only way that I can ensure that continues is by getting stronger in the core!

I went to the doc for my check-in on Dec 30...drumroll....as of Dec 30 I was down 33 POUNDS!   I lost inches too, can't remember exactly how much, but even more importantly is how much better I'm feeling physically.   The constant aches and pain in my joints and my back...gone.  Sugar is a known inflammatory, and having not had anything with added sugar (including processed crap!) in over two months has made such a difference that I can hardly believe it.  I just have to remember always how miserable I was feeling.  I don't ever want to feel like that again.  EVER.

I'm down two sizes in my jeans...and will soon be down two sizes in the tops as well.  I'm giving away the clothes as they get too big to wear because I do NOT ever want to wear them again.  I'm NOT keeping them around "just in case".   My goal is to only have clothes that fit.  To be able to wear everything I own.   Who knows, I may only need one dresser and one closet if that's the case! LOL

So now my mission is to get active again.  To start moving regularly and get more core strengthened and my cardio built up.   I have my kettlebells, a bosu, a medicine ball and an exercise bike...so right now it's just my laziness holding me back.  I need to just do it.  Get up earlier and get it done before my brain fully wakes up and my lazy kicks in!  HA.  I was really hoping my ass-kicking friend Nancy was going to be moving back to town in January and we'd start hitting the gym at o-dark-thirty every morning again, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen in the immediate future, so I'm going to have to just kick my own ass for awhile.

So, as I'm starting slow, I'm setting a very conservative goal for this next week:

• THREE KETTLEBELL WORKOUTS
• FOUR EXERCISE BIKE RIDES (10 min minimum)

I'll be sure to blog by the end of the week - whether I achieve my goal or not!

On another note, I have been fighting with my crown since November 16 when the temporary was put on.  It was pretty miserable for awhile, due to the ill-fit, but it definitely made it easy to get through the holidays without giving into the constant temptations everywhere.

I was going to have a root canal done on Jan 7 - I was waiting until a new benefit year kicked in, but I canceled the appointment because it is feeling so much better.  The pain is gone, the sensitivity is lessening more every day.   YAY!   Like my (NEW) dentist said, it was traumatized by the ill-fitting temporary, and then the permanent also needed some sanding down, as well as the cement that was left under it removed and it would take awhile to recover.   It's going to be a very, very long time before I let a drill anywhere near my mouth again, that is for SURE.   The most ridiculous thing is, NEITHER the tooth with the brand new crown, and the tooth on the other side with the brand-new onlay were bothering me before this.   I am talking to the office manager about some kind of adjustment on my account.  I don't think that after all the misery I've had to endure  through the holidays of all times, that I should be charged full-price for these, because even with the insurance, I'm still on the hook for over $1500!   We'll see what they end up saying.

Until next time...