10 Weeks Out

Tomorrow I have my two month follow-up at Multicare - though it will actually be 10 weeks.  I'm trying to not anticipate/expect any kind of number on the scale because I know if it's not what I'm expecting that I'll be disappointed.  I have to keep telling myself that as long as I'm heading in the right direction, I'm succeeding at this. If I could just believe it and not be comparing myself to people who are 20-30 years younger and losing at a much faster rate.  *sighs* 

My trend reports over the past month look alright. I'm averaging about 800 calories, 38 carbs and 94 protein per day.  That's right about where I want to be - I can't be extreme about calories or carbs if I want to succeed at this long-term.

My knees have been a real bitch...the left one has been wonky, so much so that I couldn't "flutter kick" with it in deep-water cardio, but then last Friday, the right one flared up so bad that I could barely walk.  Going up and down stairs was excruciating. Just bending it when I sat was nearly unbearable. I iced it all weekend and I even took ibuprofen a couple times to relieve the pain, though I know that I should NOT take it after having the sleeve. I was that desperate. 

I got in to see Brad, the physical therapist who fixed me 6-7 years ago. He is truly amazing and knows his stuff. He did a more thorough exam on my knees than the olympia orthopedist wackos ever did on me (I went three times to them!) and he is 99% sure that I have bilateral medial meniscus tears in BOTH knees. And the reason I've been in this back and forth endless loop for so long is that when one leg is flared up, I overcompensate with the other leg.  Then when the flare up ends, the leg I'd been overcompensating with flares up. It's been back and forth and back and forth for literally MONTHS...and I'm so very tired of it. It's wearing me down. Next step is to get MRI in both knees so we'll know exactly what I'm dealing with, and then to see an orthopedic specialist (in Tacoma!) to figure out my options.  I just know I can't go on like this. 

So about the deep water cardio...I have gone 4 times I think...then missed because of my knee flaring up. If I'm back from Tacoma in time I'll go tomorrow, and again on Saturday morning, then I'll be out of town and unable to do it again until the following Saturday. I'm planning to hire a personal trainer for at least a few sessions...to get my routine figured out.  I just hope that my knees will cooperate. I'm so very, very tired of being benched because of physical injuries.

Self-Discipline and Mindfulness

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've blogged. I tell myself that I'm going to be more consistent and blog at least once a week, and then I don't blog for over a month?? I want this to be a record of my journey, but if I don't post regularly, it's not much of a record. I WILL get more consistent with this and write at least once a week. Maybe on Sundays, and other days as well if I have something I want to write about. I just need to DO it rather than just thinking about it.  This is an important piece of this journey, as well as a good exercise in self-discipline and consistency.

I've made good progress...last time I got on the scale I was down a total of 78 lbs since starting this journey on January 1, 2018. I'll get on the scale again when I have my 2-month checkup on Thursday. Hopefully it will be a good visit. I'm really hesitant about anticipating a number on the scale, last time I did that I was disappointed.

Either way, things are happening. I'm culling through my clothes...weekly! It seems I'm at that between sizes stage most of the time. Something fits great...for about a week then it starts bagging and sagging. I've got a lot of clothes that don't fit yet, but they  will soon! I just hope I can get into one of my new swimsuits by the time the conference happens Oct 4th! 

Anyway, I'm learning every day about my new reality. About eating past that "full" signal and then being full of regrets as well as terribly uncomfortable. I'm learning about how much I'd made a habit of eating in bed, AFTER I go to bed. I'm learning how hard it is to break long-ingrained habits. I'm learning to eat in small bites and eat slowly, rather than wolfing down my food in record time. 

I have a Valley Athletic Club membership, thanks to Ken's employer! For FREE!  There is no way I'd ever be able to be a member of that exclusive gym, so this is such an amazing blessing! I've started doing deep-water cardio...that is REALLY a work out. I'm not very good at it yet...everyone else stays in one place during the moves, while yours truly is traveling all over the pool and trying not to bounce off anyone. Most everyone in the class are quite a bit older...and it is SO cool to see people at that age who are fit and healthy!  I think I'm going to hire a personal trainer for a few sessions...hopefully I'll learn some good exercises that will strengthen the muscles around my knees and help improve the pain.  I just can't believe how much my knees are torturing me...it makes it impossible to exercise the way I'd like to. I just have to keep pressing on, and hopefully as I get stronger and lose more weight, my knees will improve and I won't be in constant pain.

I'm also going to start swinging my kettlebells again...AFTER my 2-month appointment...I'm afraid if I start before then my muscles will be all full of glycogen and I'll show a gain. 

Anyway, there's so very much to this process...there is NOTHING easy about this. BUT, this is what is going to get me to my goal.