November 5 – Day 36

I haven’t started reintroduction yet.  I am still avoiding dairy, grains, legumes and sugar.  Also avoiding alcohol and soy.  I’m feeling better physically every day, though I still have such a long way to go before I feel anything close to “normal”.  I had a bit of an uncomfortable exchange with a very dear friend yesterday.  

TR:

I know "moderation" isn't popular these days! What's popular is to completely cut everything out In my opinion....for whatever it's worth....IF you keep most of your diet plant based, you should be able to eat dairy, gluten, sugar, etc. It's when it gets out of balance, really out, not just slightly out.
A lot of those calorie dense and flavor dense foods kill our taste buds, and eating too much, out of balance, makes us not hungry for the more natural foods.

2 oz of cheese, or 1/2 c dairy every day shouldn't be a problem. It's the 8-16oz of dairy that can be a problem. It's not the 2 tbls of sugar, it's the king size candy bar + sugary cereals, "energy bars", salad dressings, meat marinades and glazes, mocha lattes, etc....it all adds up to a ton of sugar. Balance my love!

That being said, W30 is not balanced either! Which is why it's difficult to sustain.

But W30 is a good bitch slap!

Yes, but it instills fear. And no one should be afraid to eat certain foods, but they might need to be afraid to eat certain foods so out of balance.  You'll find what's right for you! you're smart like that!

I asked her if she’d forgotten what it felt like to be 120 lbs overweight. 

TR:

no I haven't

I'll never forget what that felt like

Which is why I'll never do it again.

I'm actually really surprised you said that to be honest.

ME:

You said I'm being dramatic...I thought I was just being honest. It's a battle I have literally been fighting every day of my life since pre-puberty

When I say "Fuck it, I'm not going to fight this anymore", then I eat myself into oblivion, and gain-gain-gain

I wish I could fix my disordered eating, but it's so ingrained that I don't even know where to start. Except by having absolute control over what I eat, and we know where that always ends up. I'm just fucked up.

I'm sorry that I hurt you by asking if  you've forgotten. Truly.

TR:

I'm not hurt, just surprised.

Gosh, I just don't know where to start with you. You HAVE to let go of this story you are telling and tell a different one!

Fucking hell, start being the person YOU want to hang around with and not the one that you avoid. Do you want to hang around with people that tell stories like the ones you do? Or do you want to hang around with the people that tell stories of hope and unlimited possibilities? Stories of fun, and lightness. Stories of new beginnings and happy times?

You can only stop thinking bad thoughts when you replace them with better feeling thoughts. You only have room to think one thought at a time, and if you are busy thinking better feeling thoughts the bad feeling ones get less air time.

Stop giving so much air time to the old stories that don't enrich your life or current experience.

Talk about what's working for you, not what's working against you....cause you are the only one working against you at the end of the day.

You are not a victim, none of us are.

But, if you want to feel like one then it's your choice.

I'm not going to talk you out of it. Go on, do what you want.

I only know what works for me. Which is why I stopped talking to people about this shit, and stopped writing about this shit.

It's exhausting wanting to try and offer relief to people that would rather suffer.

Moderation in all things is working great for her, it’s very obvious that it is.  What I would give to have that kind of attitude about food. But I just don't, at least not at this stage. I have an eating disorder.  I can talk about unicorns and rainbows and hope and unlimited possibilities but it makes me feel like a big fat hypocrite when it’s OBVIOUS by the 120 lbs of fat I’m packing around that I HAVEN’T found what works for me.  I have to IDENTIFY what’s working against me before I can get rid of it and find what works for me.  I don’t know how to make her understand that and I’m just not sure that she ever will. 

Anyway, I know that I have Binge Eating Disorder. I can’t even imagine how many times in my life that I’ve eaten until I was in physical pain.  That I eat not because I’m hungry, but because I’m trying to soothe something inside…and I still don’t know just what it is.   Hopefully I’ll be able to figure it out, and live a life without constantly struggling with food and weight issues…my time is running out, so all I can do is eat the way that makes me feel the best, and the most in control.   Here’s a very interesting thing I found on WebMD about Binge Eating Disorder.  I also read that topiramate can help turn off the “binge switch” in the brain.  I’ve got a lot of that left from when I was taking the phen and topiramate meds for weight loss, so I’m taking it again…whatever will help, I want to try it! 

So, here are the symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder (from WebMD).  

And every.single.one. describes me perfectly.

Symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder

Most people overeat from time to time, and many people believe they frequently eat more than they should. Eating large amounts of food, however, does not mean that a person has binge eating disorder. Most people with serious binge eating problems have some of the following symptoms that occur at least once a week for at least three months:

• Frequent episodes of eating what others would consider an abnormally large amount of food
• Frequent feelings of being unable to control what or how much is being eaten
• Eating much more rapidly than usual
• Eating until uncomfortably full
• Eating large amounts of food, even when not physically hungry
• Eating alone out of embarrassment at the quantity of food being eaten
• Feelings of disgust, depression, or guilt after overeating
• Fluctuations in weight
• Feelings of low self-esteem
• Frequent dieting

Wow.  Last time I posted on this blog was in May of 2015. I was feeling sooo good.  And looking so good.  When did it all go to shit?  Why was I, at the beginning of October of 2016, the absolute BIGGEST I have ever been in my life?  I've been keeping a bit of a journal since Oct 1, when I started the Whole30 journey.  I wish I would have been keeping it out here the whole time, but since I didn't, I'll just put it all out here now to bring me up to date.

My Whole30 Journey

I started my Whole30 on October 1^st, and I am DETERMINED to follow it to the letter for the entire 30 days and make REAL changes.  I am closer to 300 lbs (295!) than I have ever been in my life and I feel truly terrible…aching joints, the tendinitis is in a major flare-up, my mobility is compromised in a huge way…even tying my own shoes is a major effort, not to mention taking care of my personal hygiene.  I meant to start journaling yesterday on day 1, but since I did not, I’ll start my journal with Day 2.

October 2 – DAY 2

I had a good first day yesterday, and intend to have just as good of a day today.   I did have some major diarrhea; I think because of the 2000mg of metformin that I took in the morning I definitely won’t be taking that again.  I made a big pot of stew in the Instant Pot that is 100% compliant and will be eating on that for a few days. 

October 8 – DAY 8

I certainly haven’t been keeping a log of this journey like I had hoped to.  If I could just discipline myself to take 30 minutes out of each day to write down my thoughts, I would be SO proud of myself.  Same thing I’ve been thinking/saying for over 40 years. HAHA   Anyway, I made it through the first week.  It was pretty rough, especially day 3 and 4.  I probably could have gone to work, but I would have been miserable there for sure, so I just took Days 3-5 off work and pretty much stayed in bed most of the time.  Very self-indulgent, but I thought that I deserved it, since I’m staying on this way of eating so faithfully.  No sugar, no grains, no dairy (!), no alcohol.  But I’m eating good – and I’m starting to feel better by the day.  I am not getting on the scale…Whole30 really emphasizes not to do that, so I will not.  I do go to the doctor on the 18^th, and of course, she’ll weigh me, but I will close my eyes and tell her not to tell me.  I don’t want to know. I want to be more in touch with how I am feeling than what the numbers on the scale say.

Here are some of the things I’ve made in the last week, all 100% Whole30 compliant.

	Homemade Mayonnaise – So Easy! Homemade Mayonnaise – So Easy!
		Cauliflower Hummus – go easy on the red pepper!  Mine was a little too hot.

Chicken Salad - this is now a staple!  Chicken breast, apple, celery, grapes, homemade
mayonnaise, basil, served over a bed of citrus lemony greens.  SO DARN GOOD!

Egg Soufflés:  I fried up some mushrooms and onions in ghee, steamed and chopped a
little spinach, chopped up some broccoli and roasted red pepper, and beat 6 eggs
together. Then I layered the vegetables and poured the egg on top.
Baked in my confection oven at 375 for about 30 min.

October 9 – DAY 9

I've spent about five decades at war with my body, with my short legs and stocky frame and junk food cravings and emotional eating. In comparison, giving up grains and dairy is easy. And in return, I’ll forge a partnership with my body that uses good food as fuel. (Borrowed and adapted from Melissa Joulwan, the author of "Well Fed".)

October 11 – DAY 11

Packed my food for the day since I'm going to be on the road till probably 11 tonight. I have vegetable chicken curry over spinach (2 meals worth), breakfast egg soufflé, hard boiled egg, tomato, cucumber, carrots, cauliflower hummus, melon and grapes. And some macadamia nuts in the car. I shouldn't starve! #Whole30

October 12 – DAY 12

Today's Day 12 of #Whole30 reset. I think the whole key to this is prepping. This weekend I'll make some clarified butter, mayonnaise and ketchup. Prepping lots of vegetables and proteins so meal prep and packing lunches are no-brainers. I will be out of town 3 nights total next week so prepping and planning ahead is going to be especially important. I've got this!

October 17 – DAY 17#Whole30 breakfast on the road!   

October 18 – DAY 18

We're making these for me to take on the road with me! YUMMM! (Yep, heading to Spokane tomorrow for 2 nights.)

Nom Nom Paleo - Michelle Tam

October 18 at 4:49pm ·

Chili Lime Chicken Wings are grilled crispy and totally Whole30!

October 19 – DAY 19

Today is Day 19 of my #Whole30 ! I went to the doc yesterday, and when she weighed me, I told her I don't want to know anything except if I'm on the right track. I told her my starting weight on October 1st, and she said that I am indeed on the right track! She is gorgeous, fit, compassionate and empathetic; she follows the primal way of eating 90/10 AND works out with kettlebells...so having her in my corner is such a blessing. WhoooHooooo! This morning I'm leaving for another trip...three days and two nights away. I'm taking my food with me, including beef stew, chicken salad, Chili Lime Chicken Wings, and assorted vegetables, nuts and fruits. I have GOT this! I'm starting to consider perhaps making this a #Whole60!

 :) October 21 – DAY 21

Brunch for the drive home from Spokane

October 25 – DAY 25

I was whipping up a batch of mayonnaise and my stick blender broke! It was a cheap one (Toastmaster), but I've only used it a handful of times! I bought it far too long ago to try to send it back, SO I bought a new one...a KitchenAid with some COOL attachments and a GREAT warranty! Wheeeeee!!! Can't wait to get it! Happy Birthday to me a little bit early! LOL

 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Chicken, green beans, pecans, cilantro, mint, basil and mayo. #Whole30 yummy!

October 26 – DAY 26

Breakfast Day 26: pork tenderloin, tomato, cucumber, egg, strawberries, blueberries. I LOVE eating #Whole30! Thinking of making it a #Whole60 !

October 28 – DAY 28

Lunch, and my new cookbook that just arrived yesterday and is amazing! Will be using it lots this weekend! #Whole30 #WellFed

October 29 – DAY 29

Today is Day 29 of my Whole30. I feel so good that I'm thinking about making it a Whole45! The hardest thing to give up has been sour cream, cheese and alcohol, but I also haven't had any IBS symptoms since Day 5, and I used to have those on a nearly DAILY basis. So reintroducing the foods I've not had for the past 29 days makes me a little nervous...is it gluten? Dairy? ALCOHOL? (*GASP*) ;)

I've had a few go-to dishes, with enough variety that I haven't gotten bored,but I need to increase my repertoire. I just got the brand new Well-Fed Weeknights book by Melissa Joulan. It's a cookbook of complete Paleo meals in 45 minutes or less. Most, if not all of the recipes are also Whole30 compliant. I freaking LOVE this book! I've just recently gotten her other 2 books as well, but this one is the BEST! She gives you directions on exactly what to prep ahead of time (an hour or two on the weekend), then you can throw together an amazing meal in less than 45 minutes...and she gives you step-by-step directions. I think this book is going to be the most-used one I have.

 

October 30 – DAY 30

DONE!   Dinner: baked sweet potato, beef & broccoli sesame stir fry, English cucumber and bell pepper

October 31 – Day 31

So, I’ve completed the Whole30.  Textbook perfect, other than the couple of Quest Bars that I indulged in.   All semantics, Quest bars are “clean” and acceptable to the Primal way of eating, I just need to be careful with them! It’s too easy to keep them in my nightstand and have one as a bedtime snack, even if I’m not hungry. And the Paleo Granola.  I’m not buying that stuff again. WAY too easy to sit and eat the whole damn bag, which is more like 6 servings.  I’ve found some Sweet Potato chips that I enjoy as well, and I can also see them becoming an issue if I don’t watch myself.

Anyway, I feel great, I'm really enjoying the food I eat and I’m down about 20 lbs!   I enjoy not constantly wanting chips, pastries, candy, pasta, etc.   I've learned that the MOST important key to success is to plan ahead!  Pamm at work did the Whole30 with me, and she hated every minute but she didn't plan ahead at all.  One day (on a weekend no less!) she ate nothing but three apples! Not only does that mess with your blood sugar BIG time, but it also only supports the disordered eating patterns that I'm sure all of us here experience! I don't consider what she did anything close to resembling Whole30.  And I doubt that she lost any weight either.

One thing that Pamm has illustrated perfectly is if you try to wing it on this plan, you'll fail.  Or, to quote someone much smarter than me:

When I followed the paleo/primal/grain-free way of eating about a year ago, I was very successful with it until I started leaning a little too much on "paleo-fied" junk. Quest bars, Paleo Granola, etc. Those things are all well and good unless I start over-using them. They are meant to be OCCASIONAL things. Plus I ate FAR too much cheese. So inevitably, I quit losing weight, and that "I don't give a damn" attitude started creeping back, and before I knew it I was face-first in the toxic pit of processed foods, and within a few months I'd gained everything back that I'd lost and THEN some.  I was hurting all over again, I was gaining at an alarming rate, my mobility was suffering…and I kept at it until I reached an all-time highest weight.  I was only a few lbs from 300 lbs, and I felt worse physically and emotionally than I’d ever felt before! 

I've decided to extend it...maybe I'll go for a Whole45 or Whole60. I suspect that my body is intolerant to dairy, but I'm not ready to test the theory yet...I enjoy having a normal and regular digestive system way too much! Soooooo....here's to Day 31 of Whole30!

Then and Now

I posted some "before" pictures on Facebook a few days ago but ended up taking them down because I was getting uncomfortable with the attention and comments they were garnering.  Nothing negative at all, but Facebook probably isn't the most appropriate place for sharing this journey, especially since so many of the people that I'm FB "friends" with are people I've never met face-to-face, people I know only through the Bernese Mountain Dog groups I belong to.  

I've learned from experience that even though I might believe someone is a close dear friend, that person could be in reality someone I don't know at all, so it's better to not bare my soul or share my vulnerabilities.   

But then again...I'm pretty much an open book, so who cares, right?  HA!

I do know that I'm a different person than I was a year ago.   A year ago I felt so defeated.  I was depressed.  I hurt all over.  I wasn't looking forward to the next 5 years of life, feeling the way I was feeling, let alone another 20 or 30 or more years.

But did that stop me?   Did I change anything?  No, I still ate horribly, a very highly processed diet, lots of bread and sweets and junk foods.  Literally thousands of junk calories a day and NO exercise.  It hurt just to get up and go to the bathroom, so I moved only as necessary.   

It was getting more and more difficult to do everyday things that people take for granted...things as simple as tying my shoes.  More that I won't go into, but that every person who has ever been morbidly obese will know.

I was killing myself.  What was even more sad is that I knew what I was doing, but it didn't stop me.  I was feeding a monster that could never be satisfied, whose hunger only grew with each chip, each cookie, each piece of cake.  

So what was it that finally turned the switch?  What was it that finally caused me to stop killing myself?

I don't know what it was.   Part of my journey is to discover what caused me to get to that point of utter hopelessness and despair and also to discover what it was that snapped me out of it and put me on this journey to regain my health and create a life that I can life with purpose and enjoyment. 

It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better!

Where do I start?   First of all, I have GOT to start blogging more often...I will be so thankful years from now when I can look back at this point of my journey.  Every day I am feeling better - stronger, more optimistic, healthier, happier...life is just getting better and better!

I am now nearly 6 months into this journey and I'm down about 50 lbs.  I am able to do things I wasn't able to do, simple things that most people take for granted, with no effort at all.   I am walking daily, routinely getting at least 7,500 steps a day and often over 10,000.   I have also started swinging kettlebells again...and my passion for my bells is coming back stronger than ever before!

My friend and mentor, Tracy Reifkind, just came up for a weekend, and we went to Vancouver, BC.

Even though I was barely recovered from bronchitis and an awful reoccurrence of decades-long dormant asthma, we had such a wonderful time.  We stayed with my friends Christina and Marshall, and packed just as much into two days as we possibly could.

We did a lot of walking and some hiking, and visited Lyn Canyon Suspension bridge, which was simply AMAZING!

Vancouver is so beautiful; I envy those who are fortunate enough to live up there.  All the metropolitan excitement of an international city, surrounded by the beauty and majesty of ocean and mountains and forests and canyons.

I can't wait to go back again.  It's definitely not going to be another 25 years, which was the last time I was there!

We also spent an afternoon in Point Roberts, where Marshall and Christina moor their boat, along with their friends Don and Erin.

Unfortunately it was too windy to go out on the water, but we still had a wonderful afternoon sitting on the boat, enjoying healthy munchies, wine, and great conversation.

I think Tracy has made some new friends - I love it when I can share people I adore with other people I adore and they all enjoy each other!

 Tracy did a workout of her own the next morning on the deck...Christina was out on her run and it was a brilliantly gorgeous day.

I, unfortunately, was nursing a hangover from the wine I had over-imbibed in the day before, but I enjoyed watching her and taking photos.   She is so motivating to me, and watching her with the bells is like watching an artist in motion.  The bell seems to be a part of her, and the movement is so natural and graceful that it is almost like a dance that should be set to music.

Tracy wrote a great blog about the "Vancouver Swing Sandwich" she designed that morning, be sure to check it out as she'll be posting videos as well!

Before we headed out, Tracy trained with Christina, to teach her the Swing, I left a kettlebell with her to use as she discovers the joy and beauty of it, but I'm pretty sure...we have another Kettlebell-liever!

It feels so very good to feel that passion again.   To get the validation from Tracy that I still have the form AND that I have the knowledge and the ability to share it with others only makes me feel even stronger and more determined to do the thing that I've only imagined doing.  

I am going to start training others in the kettlebell swing, sharing with others the power and strength that can be found in this little iron ball with a handle.  

My dream is to share it with other middle-aged women - women who perhaps feel the way that I felt just 6 months ago:  I was hurting all over, I was well over 100 lbs over-weight, I was having mobility issues and joint issues and it seemed that every part of my body was aching from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed.  I felt hopeless and I knew that I didn't want to live the rest of my life feeling like that, whether that was 5 years or 25 years.  And the way I was going, I knew that I was living on borrowed time, that every day I went without a heart attack or a stroke I had dodged a bullet.  My blood lipids were off the charts and I was literally moments from being diagnosed as diabetic.  

I'm never going back there again.  Never.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

Someone who I thought was a dear friend has just cut me from her life with no explanation.  I'm still reeling...beyond hurt, and trying to understand.   I have to respect her decision, and in spite of the heartache I feel, I still believe that she is one of the kindest and most generous persons I've ever met, and I will always wish her and her family nothing but good things.  

I found this poem...and it helps.  A little.  Makes me feel very blessed that I have so many friendships that are LIFETIME, and yes, blessed that I have had the friends that I've needed for the REASONS and the SEASONS in my life.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use 
in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

-unknown

Procrastination - Story of my Life!

Wow, this is my FIRST blog post of 2015!  I have really been slacking on the blogging.  I keep meaning to, but never manage to actually get it done.  Like nearly everything else in my life, I just put it off and put it off...I'll do it later.  I'll do it tomorrow.  I'll do it next weekend.    Maybe that's why I work so much better when I'm under a deadline...hmmmmm.  I am REALLY going to try to be more regular with my blogging in 2015.  We'll see how that goes.

I am going to pick up my kettlebells again.  I am going to start swinging regularly.  I will start out very slowly so I don't mess up my back again.  But...I haven't actually done it yet.  I am PROCRASTINATING!   I'm not sure why...is it just because that's what I do?  Or am I really afraid of hurting myself?   It's been so very, very nice to not have the chronic back pain...but the only way that I can ensure that continues is by getting stronger in the core!

I went to the doc for my check-in on Dec 30...drumroll....as of Dec 30 I was down 33 POUNDS!   I lost inches too, can't remember exactly how much, but even more importantly is how much better I'm feeling physically.   The constant aches and pain in my joints and my back...gone.  Sugar is a known inflammatory, and having not had anything with added sugar (including processed crap!) in over two months has made such a difference that I can hardly believe it.  I just have to remember always how miserable I was feeling.  I don't ever want to feel like that again.  EVER.

I'm down two sizes in my jeans...and will soon be down two sizes in the tops as well.  I'm giving away the clothes as they get too big to wear because I do NOT ever want to wear them again.  I'm NOT keeping them around "just in case".   My goal is to only have clothes that fit.  To be able to wear everything I own.   Who knows, I may only need one dresser and one closet if that's the case! LOL

So now my mission is to get active again.  To start moving regularly and get more core strengthened and my cardio built up.   I have my kettlebells, a bosu, a medicine ball and an exercise bike...so right now it's just my laziness holding me back.  I need to just do it.  Get up earlier and get it done before my brain fully wakes up and my lazy kicks in!  HA.  I was really hoping my ass-kicking friend Nancy was going to be moving back to town in January and we'd start hitting the gym at o-dark-thirty every morning again, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen in the immediate future, so I'm going to have to just kick my own ass for awhile.

So, as I'm starting slow, I'm setting a very conservative goal for this next week:

• THREE KETTLEBELL WORKOUTS
• FOUR EXERCISE BIKE RIDES (10 min minimum)

I'll be sure to blog by the end of the week - whether I achieve my goal or not!

On another note, I have been fighting with my crown since November 16 when the temporary was put on.  It was pretty miserable for awhile, due to the ill-fit, but it definitely made it easy to get through the holidays without giving into the constant temptations everywhere.

I was going to have a root canal done on Jan 7 - I was waiting until a new benefit year kicked in, but I canceled the appointment because it is feeling so much better.  The pain is gone, the sensitivity is lessening more every day.   YAY!   Like my (NEW) dentist said, it was traumatized by the ill-fitting temporary, and then the permanent also needed some sanding down, as well as the cement that was left under it removed and it would take awhile to recover.   It's going to be a very, very long time before I let a drill anywhere near my mouth again, that is for SURE.   The most ridiculous thing is, NEITHER the tooth with the brand new crown, and the tooth on the other side with the brand-new onlay were bothering me before this.   I am talking to the office manager about some kind of adjustment on my account.  I don't think that after all the misery I've had to endure  through the holidays of all times, that I should be charged full-price for these, because even with the insurance, I'm still on the hook for over $1500!   We'll see what they end up saying.

Until next time...

It's the little things...

I'm just a couple days away from 6 full weeks of my new lifestyle.   I have not had any processed foods, nothing with added sugar, and have been controlling my carbs very tightly.  No potatoes, no pasta, no bread, really no fruit, though I could fit fruit in if I really wanted it.  Just not really wanting it and nothing decent is really in season.

I am feeling a big difference...the constant aches and pains are gone, and I think I'm sleeping better too.

I'm down about 25 lbs, but I'm still at a size where it takes a LOT before the loss is really noticeable.

The most exciting difference, however, is something that probably wouldn't seem like a big deal at all to someone who has never experienced it.  Last Sunday I was getting dressed, and I lifted up my foot to put my sock and shoe on.  I lifted up my foot.  I put on my sock and my shoe while standing on one foot.   This isn't a balance issue, I've always had pretty good balance.  This is so much more significant than that.  It used to physically HURT to lift my foot up, even a few inches, let alone lift it high enough to put a sock on.  I haven't been able to do that simple act for almost three years. 

When I realized what I was doing I had to sit down on my bed and process it for a few seconds.  This is even better than the pants or the ring that's too big to wear.  I can lift my foot up, and even put a sock on it, without pain!

I need to start moving with intention now.  Exercising on purpose.   I've been so inactive that it's going to be really hard to get back into it, but if I truly want to change my life and become truly healthy then I have to get over myself and just start DOING it.  I told Dr. Z when I saw her 5 days ago that I am going to shoot for 10 minutes a day every day...she said to set my goal for 3 or 4 times a week to start.   And I haven't done it yet!   I'm about ready to pick up my kettlebells again.  Just a few swings.    Baby steps!

I also got a cap on my tooth that doesn't fit and it is making me SO miserable.  It hurts to eat, and is hyper-sensitive to cold and heat, which I guess isn't all bad, but it sucks when you're eating a high-protein diet!   Hoping to get it fixed tomorrow.  THIS is why I wait until it's absolutely necessary before I get any dental work done, because it sure as heck wasn't bothering BEFORE.  But they convinced me that "it will be problematic in the future" and that I needed to get it done.   #$@*&#^