My Two Brains

DAY 5 - Whole30 2019

I listened to a podcast this morning that featured an interview with Mark Manson who is the author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" and "Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope".  He said a LOT that really resonated with me.

My big takeaway from the podcast is that I have two brains...the thinking brain and the feeling brain, and I need to train them so that they communicate with each other better. To train my "thinking" brain to listen to my to emotions - then to process them and create helpful (healthy) meaning around them.

All of my life, I've not allowed my "feeling" brain to have a voice...I would smother it with inappropriate eating or drinking or actions. Instead of allowing myself to just feel whatever the emotion is that is uncomfortable for whatever reason, I have trained myself over my lifetime to shut it down by distraction via food or alcohol, or even by acting or re-acting inappropriately. 

And that inner voice...sneering at me,

"you're so weak!" 

"you're just a failure!" 

"you'll never succeed!"

"why even bother trying, you know you'll just fail again"

"you're a fat pig and you always will be"  

I CAN RE-TRAIN MY BRAIN!  

Meditation, reflection, lots of repetitive positive affirmations...teaching myself that it's good and it's right to feel and experience even uncomfortable emotions without reacting...that is what I need to learn. And I need to keep telling myself that I'm ok just the way I am. I'm NOT a failure. Telling that inner voice to STFU.  I have an eating disorder, and I've developed patterns and habits over the past 60 years that I need to change, but that does NOT affect my worthiness. 

I made a GREAT dinner today - Lemongrass Coconut Chicken (a NomNomPaleo Instant Pot recipe!) with Coconut-Lime Faux Fried Rice. I did a  lot of tasting it as I was finishing it up, then drank a kombucha, so I'm too full to eat dinner until later, but the husband sure scarfed it down!

I have to go back to work on Monday, so only two more days left of my mini-staycation! I've done a lot of cooking, reading, listening, and more blogging than I've done in WAY too long. I'm hoping to stay more consistent with the blogging and journaling. It's such a valuable tool when trying to retrain your brain and forming new healthier habits.

I'm not getting more than 5 hours sleep a night so far...hopefully that will improve.  Next on my list...EXERCISE. I've been slacking quite a bit on that (the past couple of weeks especially) but I'm physically feeling better, and my knee isn't quite as stiff and painful as it's been. It's time to get back on the exercise bike! Maybe I'll even get a wild hair and go to the deep water aerobics class in the morning.