Waking the Dragon

The Dragon Awakens

I've been pretty much at a standstill since Nov 2018 (when I also had surgery on my knee).  For the first half of 2019 I have been teasing the  sleeping dragon, which is what I call my life-long obsession with food.

I've been eating things that I KNOW I just can't have, including highly processed foods, sweets, white breads, chips.  I've also been drinking WAY too much vodka...which I euphemistically refer to as "potato juice". Yeah, I buy vodka that is made out of potato.  No grains - right? 

I'm seriously rolling my eyes at myself at my own self-delusions and justifications. 👀  I KNOW better. I should be DOING better.

Naturally, the dragon woke up, and I was very soon eating, snacking, binging and drinking the same way I did before I lost 100 lbs.  The only difference post-surgery is that I can't eat as much at one time as I used to. However, I've gained 10 lbs back.

Surgery doesn't fix anything. Surgery is just a tool...it is still so so hard and it takes just as much (even MORE) discipline and mental strength post-surgery to stay on track.

So  on July 1, 2019 I started a Whole 30...to check myself...to reset my mind, and to get back to REAL food. Today is Day 2...and I had an appointment with my therapist this morning. I'm feeling strong and like I can beat the dragon back to sleep.

On the 4th (USA Independence Day!) I'm having a skype meeting with "The Shrink on Your Couch" Debbie Rahimi. She is a psychologist from South Africa and has an amazing online program called "Bariatric Mind Masters". She herself had a sleeve, and so much of what she writes feels like it was pulled right out of my head. I've done some of it...but I haven't devoted nearly enough time to doing the work that I KNOW I have to do in order to succeed. 

I will get this.  I didn't come this far to only come this far, or to go backwards.