Surgery Less Than 4 Days Away...

It's Sunday afternoon, and I'm feeling...I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I'm excited, of course, and anxious, and I think I'm a little sad that I got to the point where weight loss surgery is my last option. And it is...this is it. I have to succeed at this because it truly is my last chance to ever become a "normal" sized person.

Some people on the OH board are so caustic, already telling me that I'm going to gain, "bounce back" (which is just a nice way to say gain). They're saying that if I'm believing that I WON'T gain that I'm arrogant and I know nothing. Maybe they've gained...some have gained a LOT, or never reached their goal to start with, but I am going to work my ass off to keep it off once I've got it off.  I've blocked some of them...maybe they have some good advice, but I'm not going to dig through their nastiness to find it.  I've also heard from a number of people in OH, privately.

Warning me about the "Oracles of OH" who have been there for years, some for over a decade or more. OH must be their whole life because they seem to be there 24/7.  But they are very venomous and rapacious, especially to newbies who question them and if you don't agree with one...good grief, it's like feeding a seagull a crust and then being attacked by a whole horde!  Maybe I'm over-sensitive because of the diet and the upcoming surgery, except I  remember years ago when I was considering WLS and found OH. I saw the same thing then - from many of the same people I'm seeing it from now. I left the board then, because I don't need that kind of acrimony and pessimism in my life, so I don't somehow don't think it's just because of my emotional state right now. I wonder how many newbies they have driven away with their capriciousness?  And seeing the newer folk do obeisance to them, in hopes of one day being a part of their ensemble. I can't help but roll my eyes. The block function is so nice...and I'm sure I'll be using it more as time goes by and people reveal themselves.

Anyway, I've communicated with some very nice people, privately, and they are super supportive, kind and have lots and lots of experience and knowledge that they are happy to share.

I'm on day 11 of the pre-op diet. It's gone fine...I haven't deviated at all. I was losing pretty good, then suddenly my body started pushing back and I've gained a pound in 2 days. I shoved my scale under my bed. Though that didn't slow me down this morning. I pulled it out and weighed and saw that I was up again. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so much ennui right now. That scale has far too much power over me. Way too much.

I've done really well these past 6 months, with about a 3 week leap off the wagon when Max and Faith died. I've lost about 40 pounds and I'm already feeling so much better.

Sooooo, I'm not getting on it again until they weigh me for pre-op. I think that will be on the 5th, and maybe again just before surgery on the 7th. Maybe I'll just have Ken hide it for me. Maybe he'll find the last one he hid for me. *snort*
I think he's hidden a couple of scales for me. Maybe I need to keep my scale, just in an inconvenient place so it doesn't end up "somewhere" but we don't know where. Like so much else in this house!  I did get my bedroom shoveled out and got rid of a LOT of clothes that are either too big or that I'll never ever wear so there's that anyway.

I'm nervous. I admit it. I'm nervous that I'll have a complication during or after surgery, I'm nervous that it won't work for me and I won't lose the weight, I'm nervous that I'm taking such a huge step and I'm nervous about how I will need to be VERY aware and careful of what I eat afterwards. For the rest of my life. But I guess I wouldn't be normal if I wasn't feeling all that right now, right?

One thing I AM really excited about - I AM GOING TO BE OFF WORK FOR OVER A MONTH!

Too bad I have to get most of my stomach removed to do it!  HAHAHAHA