Tongue-Out Tuesday

Ha...I had to borrow the title for today's blog from my Bernese Mountain Dog groups...my tongue does feel like it's hanging out. Not only am I now emotionally in the darkest time of year for me, but I'm also trying to make major changes to my diet, adjust to new medications, change my whole lifestyle so as not to become a full-blown diabetic or drop dead from a heart-attack...as always, my timing is just impeccable.  *insert sarcasm alert*

Anyway, all my life, since I have been an adult, between Oct 31 and Dec 31 I go into a funk that is just awful...I'm barely fit company for myself, let alone anyone else. I don't think it's my birthday...or maybe it is.  Maybe it's my birthday in combination with the holidays and having no immediate family other than my kids (one of whom has cut all contact with me - which is probably a good thing) along with the tawdry commercialism that the holidays have become, but I know it goes much much deeper than that, because it's just been going on for so long...for most of my life...and it's not something I can control or fake my way through.  I tried when my kids were at home, but I'm just too tired and worn out to fake it anymore.  I'm going to withdraw from polite company a bit for the next couple months...I just can't keep putting on this perky happy face when I am feeling so emotionally drained and depleted.  I need to just crawl  into my little (figurative) cave and work on myself mentally and physically for awhile.  Thankfully, I have a few close friends who have known me for many, many years who understand this odd thing about me and love me and accept me in spite of it.

Now...back to my corpulent compulsions.  

It has been a week, (SEVEN DAYS!) since I have had a glass of milk. This is a huge deal for me because I am a milk-aholic. I love my moo-juice. I love it icy cold. A HUGE glass or two at a time. And I know that it's not the greatest thing for me.

Not only does it have the equivalent of five teaspoons of sugar in a glass (16 oz), but unless I'm drinking raw organic milk it's got all kind of other stuff in it I probably don't want. And I can down two glasses of it without pausing when I'm really jones'ing for it. So I'm trying to not have any. At all. Though a big glass of milk would have been a great way to get some calories I was missing last night - I had the wiggle room with the sugar. Ugh. I wish I would have thought of it before I ate a whole package of pistachios!  Those were laying in my gut like rocks all night long, but at least I was within my calories and sugar!  HA.

Like I said in yesterday's blog, I felt like crap all day yesterday.  I woke up feeling yuck...got on the scale and it wasn't down 15 lbs, so that further soured my mood, then my dear husband's sad attempt at scrambling eggs...but it lasted all day long. Throughout the day I was just feeling weak and moody and my digestive system was also all rumbly...I am thinking that if I have nothing but protein for breakfast, it isn't the greatest for my system.   Dr. Z says no sugar for breakfast, and at least 30 gms of protein, but I think I am going to have to have at least SOMETHING with carbs/sugar equivalent or my brain just won't switch on.   This is something to experiment with and talk to her about for sure.